


It Took Me By Surprise

by sevenstevearmy



Series: Drabbles-ish [7]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:21:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24889054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sevenstevearmy/pseuds/sevenstevearmy
Summary: Sometimes people who are sick and hurting hurt others on accident, but it being an accident doesn't erase the pain.
Series: Drabbles-ish [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1606048
Comments: 1
Kudos: 17





	It Took Me By Surprise

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't want to mark it as abuse, but this definitely represents a toxic 'friendship '. This is also me letting out a bit of frustration at Virgil's behavior but also understanding it bc I've been there.

_I would react badly  
To the slightest hint of hesitance_

Everyone knew what happened when Virgil disagreed. He'd be loud and make himself known. Once Logan had started to open up to him and vice versa whenever Logan took another side or didn't explicitly support his, he felt betrayed. That wasn't a healthy reaction. He knew it. 

_He'd bend awkwardly to suit my mood  
No word from his defense_

Logan had always done his best to make Virgil feel heard. He worked hard to help Virgil feel like an equal. Even his annoyance at the beginning was the same annoyance he'd show to the others. After Logan began to understand him he would tiptoe by topics and beat around the bush which was so unlike him, but he did it for Virgil. 

_I'd cry knowing how my tears  
Felt like acid burning through his skin_

Logan having such trouble with emotion made it painful for him to watch those he cared about experience negative emotions because he didn't know how to help. If he was led to believe it was his fault, he took it hard. Virgil learned that, and in the heat of anger would use it against him. 

_Pushed every little button  
But the right one that would let me in_

Virgil wanted to be friends with Logan so badly, but he had a habit. A very bad habit of self sabotage that hurt those around him. He wanted to change. He was trying to change. But after his acceptance he had stopped trying so hard. He became lax and slowed his journey to the person he wanted to be. Things became more difficult in his relationships as his progress plateaued. 

_Now he's afraid of me  
Now he's afraid of me_

“I'll prohibit your breathing.”  
Logan wouldn't speak. He wouldn't say a word unless directly asked and then he'd only give what was strictly necessary. He wouldn't even look in Virgil's direction

_It took me by surprise  
The hatred in his eyes_

Virgil asked what was up. He saw a look on Logan's face he had never seen nor expected. He was disgusted, he was hurting, he was livid. That's what Virgil read. 

_I've pushed this man as far as he could go  
But he lacked the words to let me know_

Virgil knew Logan struggled with his emotions, no matter how much work he put into it. Virgil was the one Logan trusted with that. And Virgil knew that was a bad decision. 

_He acted out, now I can see it is my fault_

Virgil knew he needed to make up for what happened. He knew he messed up. He needed to work on himself. He never should have stopped. He should have known it wasn't enough. It would never be enough. He just kept hurting those around them no matter how much he cared about them or they cared about him. 

_I made changes  
That went unnoticed  
Sang songs for deaf ears_

Virgil was trying so hard. He hoped it wasn't too late, but he felt it might be. He changed. He was fighting tooth and nail against his nature and nurture to make a difference, but was it all for nothing? 

_He mistook my silence for punishment  
As it had been all these years_

Logan didn't understand Virgil's shift in behavior and believed it to be his punishment. Virgil realized he had to be blunt. Subtle changes would go unnoticed. 

_I'd cry knowingly how my tears felt like acid burning through his skin_

Virgil tried to tell Logan how sorry he was, but he broke down and the latter stopped showing his hurt for a time. He stopped showing his emotions. 

_Now he's afraid of me  
Now he's afraid of me_

The amount of emotional damage Logan was inflicted took its toll. He lived in fear like a trapped animal. It wouldn't end well. 

_It took me by surprise  
The hatred in his eyes_

It wasn't just Virgil, the others took their turns ignoring and hurting Logan. Virgil watched as the logical side took a step back from all of them. He wanted to reach out, but any hand raised to him was seen as a threat. And any threat was promptly disarmed. 

_I've pushed this man as far as he could go_  
But he lacked the words to let me know  
He acted out, now I can see it is my fault 

Virgil was going to do his best for Logan just like Logan had done for him, and if Logan lashed out he would take the punishment.


End file.
